Friday, June 29, 2012

Fat

I am a good size. You might not agree. You might not be comfortable if you were in my body. But I am.
I'm at the size where if I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, indulge occasionally, and run a few times a week, I stay right here. I'm training for this half marathon, trying to fuel right, and if I happen to lose or gain weight while doing it, I'm cool with that, but not focused on it. I'm getting healthier and stronger... and more prepared for the zombie apocalypse. (Rule #1: Cardio)

So last week I ordered my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding. I called her to tell her I ordered it and she said "Oh what size did you get, an 8?" (Hah.) "No, I ordered a 12." (But thanks for the compliment.) "A TWELVE?! There's no way."

Oh yes, there is. Attention, internet. I am 5 ft, 4 in tall. I weigh 155 lbs. And I wear a size 12. (Side note: Having worn both a 16 and an 8, I think 12 is a really happy medium.) I think I'm quite proportional, actually. 37.5 - 30 - 42, those were my measurements at the wedding dress store. Heck, according to this chart I am almost exactly a textbook size 12. (Which does not explain why I can NEVER find work-appropriate slacks that don't gap at the waist!)

She proceeded to backpedal a little bit. I suppose because she realized that thinking I was too small to be a size 12 was indirectly calling size 12 large... which was indirectly calling me fat for being a size 12. She talked about how we were training for the half marathon so surely I was losing weight and would be a 10 in no time, or that I was going to keep working out after the half marathon to prepare for my own wedding.

Ah right. Because The Knot assumes that you'll spend the 6 months before your wedding putting together 250 extravagant favors, while also tasting cakes and fried appetizers and half chickens on a bed of wild rice, while also picking out the perfect earrings and dye-to-match shoes while also dieting and exercising so that you'll look *perfect* in the dress. Thanks, but no thanks, Wedding Industrial Complex

I decided in 2011 that I would run a half marathon this year. I signed up for the Disneyland Half before I was engaged. Therefore, this half marathon was not about "losing weight for the wedding" when I signed up. Actually, this half marathon was not about "losing weight" at all. It was about running a half marathon. Since starting training, I haven't lost any weight. I love food too much. Besides, I bought my wedding dress in a size 12, too. It doesn't get in until November. So, really, I have no reason to be trying to slim down for the dresses since they fit me now.

This post is about a couple things. It's not to bash my friend, who is one of my oldest friends and I know does not actually think I'm fat. This is what it is about:
  1. No I'm not going on a wedding diet. If  I go on a diet, it'll be to get healthier. Not skinnier for my wedding dress. Dan likes me how I am, inside and out, even when I don't like myself. And that makes me like myself more. Enough that I don't need a wedding dress diet. And neither does anyone else.
    Amazingly, APW, who are always inside my head these days, has written 2 posts this week on body issues related to weddings. Read them.
  2. Solidarity, sisters. Let's stop judging ourselves by our pants size. Just as importantly, let's stop judging each other by pants sizes too. Now I'm not saying that if you really fear your friend is going to keel over dead or contract diabetes that you can't subtly invite them to spin class or some other form of exercising. But healthy comes in many shapes and sizes- not every girl you think is "fat" is unhealthy and not every girl you think is "skinny" is a picture of health. Nor is skinny code for beautiful, or fat code for ugly. Get a new measuring stick. Or, even better, throw out all the measuring sticks. Stop seeing the world in terms of black and white, fat or skinny, healthy or unhealthy; things are too gray to be sorted out. And never, ever ask your friends what size their dress is.

10 comments:

  1. I think this is a case of needing to be honest about what you (that's a collective "you") actually know and what its limitations are. Most of us barely have a handle on what's healthy for ourselves, much less for someone else. There's a reason why it takes so long to train a doctor--we're complex machines with a highly random manufacturing process. The proposition "You can't be X" always has a strong possibility of being false.

    Except when "X" is "a dinosaur". I tried everything possible when I was four.

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    1. I think you're right Mike. Except that you can be a dinosaur. You just need to eat your Wheaties!

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    2. My parents actually tried that tactic. "Eat your [Wheaties/tofu/brussels sprouts/whatever I wasn't eating that night], it's what dinosaurs ate!" It succeeded principally in getting me to study the diets of various dinosaurs. Utahraptor ostrommaysorum did not eat tofu.
      'Course, now I do, for I am not a Utahraptor, and it turns out that four-year-old me had terrible taste in food.

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    3. Hah 4 year old me had awesome taste in food. I requested lobster for my 2nd birthday!

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    4. Some people are born with a good-tasting spoon in their mouths, I guess, while others have to work really hard.

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    1. By "false", I mean "true". Yeeeennnooo.... Maybe.
      Perhaps now is not such a good time to be fiddling with the lock/latch constraints.

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    2. Ack! I tried to delete the duplicate, only now I realize it wasn't a duplicate. And also I can't restore it. Sigh. I'm no good at bloggering apparently.

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    3. Any non-duplication was due to me not completely remember what I wrote the first time. I thought it had failed to post, so I re-typed it all. I'm no good at commenting, either, apparently!

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    4. *remembering
      Jeez, what is up with my brain tonight. I'm not even the one on drugs here!

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